Masturbating Taught Me To Love Myself
By Bailey Borchardt, Planned Parenthood of New York City PPGen CUNY Organizer
I have always been fat. One thing you internalize growing up fat is that you are not worthy of love, that you’re not worthy of sexual intimacy, and in my case (according to my Grandmother) that I’d “be so pretty if I just lost 20 pounds.” I had never felt worthy of love or developed a connection to myself until I began masturbating.
In the throes of my adolescent bed sheets, my 14-year-old-self discovered the power of an orgasm. This had come after a long trial-and-error process that involved reading tutorials and watching a few porn videos. Having been a teenager in Kansas, I had been brought up to believe that self pleasure was a sin, so they certainly weren’t teaching us how to masturbate in health class.
After I had one orgasm, I had to have another, and another. I couldn’t believe that something so pleasurable and so powerful would be considered so wrong. Especially since no harm could befall me by pleasuring myself. The more and more I masturbated, the deeper the connection I had with myself grew. When you realize what your body is capable of, you learn to never settle for anything less than that.
May is National Masturbation Month, which was created as a way to de-stigmatize masturbation and encourage people to prioritize their pleasure. In addition to boosting your self esteem, masturbation has a slew of health benefits. Masturbation can help you sleep better, relieve menstrual cramps, and reduces stress. Also, it’s worth mentioning that National Masturbation Month coincides with Mental Health Awareness Month. Though self care is often advertised as face masks and manicures, it’s much deeper than that. There’s many reasons to introduce masturbation into your self-care routine.
An article from Psychology Today states, “There is a biochemical basis for the positive effects of masturbation. It ‘releases feel-good neurochemicals like dopamine and oxytocin that lift your spirits, boost your satisfaction, and activate the reward circuits in your brain,’ reports Gloria Brame, Ph.D. ‘An orgasm is the biggest non-drug blast of dopamine available.’ In short, a masturbation-induced orgasm creates feelings of euphoria; it’s a safe, free, and natural high.”
Masturbation can also be key to a healthy sexual partnership. When you masturbate, you get to test the limits of what turns you on, what doesn’t turn you on, what brings you pleasure, and learn what you don’t like. This translates to your sexual partnerships and allows you to feel confident to communicate to your partner what works for you. Never be afraid to prioritize your pleasure.
The longest relationship we’ll ever have is the one we have with ourselves. Had I not started masturbating when I did (or even at all), it would have taken me a lot longer to arrive at a place where I know with full certainty that I am worthy of love, pleasure, and sexual satisfaction. Better yet, this conclusion was not contingent on another person’s willingness to love me. Now I’m all the better for it.
